Well, I'm not sure what to say...

So I will start by saying "thank you" to all those that have helped out, prayed for us, and just let us know you care about us. To be honest, the first few days are a blur as to what went on and how we got through it. Once the funeral came, we found the much needed closure we were looking for. The talks that were given and the outpouring of support was very touching. Matt and I are so thankful to have so many good friends and strong family support. I keep getting the question "what can I/we do for you? how can we help?", well to be honest, I'm not sure. Right now we are doing fine and I will be sure to let you know when I am having a bad day and might like dinner to be brought over. Right now we are facing every day as it comes and know that with each new day brings new obstacles and more emotions.
Some of you may be wondering how this happened. I was told I need to write this and tell her little story for healing. Cosette really hadn't been super sick, she'd been dealing with a sinus infection and was at the end of her antibiotic, she was suppose to have her 15 month appt the day it happened. The girls and I had gone up to Grandma Horns house to make cookies and because their ward was having a cookies exchange that I thought sounded fun. So we left Matt home to take a final and work, while we went and had fun. Thursday night after the cookie exchange, the girls had their pajamas on and were dancing around in front of the Christmas tree. They were laughing and having a good time. Then I laid them down for bed and stayed awake until they fell asleep. I checked on them before going to bed and they were both sleeping soundly (meaning they were both snoring). Ally came in my room at 3:50am and said she couldn't find her sippy cup, so I went in to find it and thought I should check Cosette. Thats when I noticed she'd thrown up. I couldn't let her sleep in it, so I went to pick her up to change her sheets and she was limp. I grabbed her from the crib and woke up my mother in law. She called 911 and got cpr started right away. The ambulance came and I sat there and watched as they tried to get her heart started. They had no luck. At the hospital they gave her all the medicines they could and did everything they can do for a 15 month old. The home teacher came to the hospital and gave her a blessing and soon after they stopped trying. I was a mess and I think more so because Matt was still at home, well at this point, he was on his way up with my mom. I don't know how he did it driving the 3 hours at 5am knowing he wasn't going to be meeting Cosette's smiling face. After Matt got there we talked to the coroner who said she aspirated. Had she been sleeping in the same bed with me, I wouldn't have woke up to it. Obviously Heavenly Father really wanted her home with him. He knew it was her time and He needed her home with Him. Matt and I just were not ready to let go. We are doing so much better now. We've done a lot of reading and praying and feel so comforted at this time. Knowing that Cosette will be waiting for us, makes us want the second coming to come even sooner. I feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity to get to know such a beautiful little girl. Yesterday Ally woke up super grumpy from her nap and I just couldn't help but miss Cosette. She was the one person that could turn Ally from grumpy to giggly in seconds. Now some of you might be wondering how this is affecting Ally. Well, she sure misses her sister and her best friend. She's 2 1/2 and not sure how to express how she feels. She asks questions and we answer them, she accepts our answers and moves on. She knows that Cosette is with Jesus. She tells us that Cosette is playing at Jesus' house. And we answer yes she's playing with Jesus. We took down Cosettes crib and Ally's not really asked about it. I packed all of Cosette's clothes away for the next baby. She definetely knew what she liked to wear and what she didn't. She LOVES princesses and would get so excited when she saw she was wearing a shirt with princesses on it. She HATES blue jeans and prefers knit pants. She didn't like having her hair in her face, but didn't like having her hair fixed. She spent so much time reading books and playing with dolls. She looks up to Ally like no little sister ever has. She is so passionate about everything she does. She is very determined and head strong. She is a snuggler and cuddler, you can't hold her without her snuggling into your arms and chest. She is so funny and knows how to get us to laugh. When we got home on Friday, I went to make Ally's bed and found a can of green beans in Ally's bed under some blankets. It made me smile because Cosette carried any food item she could get her hands on, around the house. She moved things from one side of the house to the other and it drove me crazy. She loves to play outside. She loves to eat and meant business when she sat down. She has always loved to help. Once she started walking, she wanted to help. She knew that when daddy walked in the door from work or school, that meant she needed to run over and give him a hug and kiss and then wrestle with him. Cosette LOVES to wrestle with her dad. Whenever Matt would just sit on the floor, she'd go over and tackle him. If you ask her a question she'll give you either a strong yes or no. She knows what she wants and doesn't want and when she didn't she'd look at Ally. I miss Cosette so much and always will. I know that if I do everything I've been asked to and try my hardest, I can see her again.